TRAITOR
by Necro13
Summary: After your brother betrays you do you love him or hate him? Forgive him or leave him to rott? Or do you meet the choices half way and do a mix of both?
1. mutilation

_**TRAITOR **_

Plot: After your brother betrays you do you love him or hate him? Forgive him or leave him to rott? Or do you meet the choices half way and do a mix of both?

AU: My excuse? ANGST! That's right! I've been reading nothing but angst and oddly enough my life is pretty damn good and all I want is angst! So I wrote a story where every one is probably out of character but its for the sake of ANGST! I think, I don't know if I can do angst right...ah! I'm angsting! XD Or am I way too damn happy to do it right? Shrugs...

...

Chapter one: mutilation

Leo's POV

I shut the door soundly behind me and leaned against it for a moment before securely locking it. Truth be told, I was surprised I still had a lock let alone a door to shut myself off from the world, even I knew I couldn't be trusted anymore. Why bother giving me a way to be secretive? I shook my head though, it didn't matter any more I wasn't going to be here for very much longer and wanted to get this over with before any one had a chance to argue with my descision. Leaving was cowardly, but wasn't I? I hadn't been a fearless leader in months or a leader for that matter or my father's student...just his cowardly son. Mind you, I don't think I'm really even that anymore. I hated seeing that torn look in my father's eyes every time he stole a glance at me. Should he pretend I never did anything and love me? Should he force sepuku on the son who almost killed his enire family? Banish him? Remember everything and make his life as miserable as possible? Learn to accept it? I never knew what to expect. At first it was only disgust. After awakening and confirming to him that I was indeed the one who lead to the destruction of our home, he wouldn't stop screaming. I don't mind, I derserved it but Don wouldn't allow him to come near me for awhile after that. Then after awhile he ignored me after claiming I was no longer his student but never clearly stating if I was his son or not. He was a bit torn between yes and no months after he stopped ignoring me as I cleaned the house and he tried to be pleasant still having the look of distraught in his eyes as he watched me.

My brothers...were just as bipolar except Don who I think is in denial about the whole situation. Like a few weaks ago when Mikey 'accidently' hit me with a kunai during practice while I was cleaning the tatomi matts, Don was instantly at my side checking me over. I was fine but he still insisted I go to bed and stay there as he bitched out Mikey. And if I ever remind him of my sin, he harshly slaps me across the face and has a whole speech ready on how it was never my fault and will never be my fault. Sometimes I wish I could live in his head.

Mikey...Mikey...rightly hates his big brother. But I would too if the only explanation I got for being betrayed was 'I trusted him'. I swear I still feel the slap every time I think back to that day.

Raph...lates or hoves me depending on how you want to pronouce the word. Yes, I had to create new words to describe the feeling my brother has for me. He never acts cassually about the times he feels contempt for me like Splinter and Mikey. No, he acts like there's a revenge that he must take for me. I'm never a stanger in the room who you can only make small talk with, I'm the brother he wants to coherse into action to reclaim the honor the foot clan stole from me. Or he's screaming or making snide insults to me about how cowardly and worthless I am. But both lead back to this feeling that I need to kill someone to reclaim what I once lost. Me, I don't believe that. If I go out without training in so long I would just end up dead. Maybe that's what he wanted along...I'll never know. He's not around long enough anymore to get the chance to elaborate what he wants me to do. Besides, it won't end well if I leave to go near _him_ without gaining back atleast some respect from sensei. It could easily be turned around against me and I would have gained nothing back...I needed to prove I could listen and be trusted but sometimes I think it will never happen. Its been months and I swear when he is saying pleasant small talk to me he is pretending I'm someone else just by how abrutly the mood changes once he says my name.

My thoughts slip away from me and I am once more in the present. I don't think I have much time before Don awakes from the side effect I left in his tea and Raph returns from...somewhere. I walked towards the bed and quickly pulled a battered suit case from underneath it then proceeded to pile as many papers, pens and books in it to keep me company in my shame. It was cowardly to leave but as established I was no longer fearless. Besides, it truly was for the best, if I left it would rid the home of the stench of shame and maybe make sensei and Mikey sleep better at night knowing I was no longer around to worry about betraying them. I stopped realizing I might only make their fears worse but shook my head remembering the plan. I would be gone forever before they had the chance to fear that again but taking my things would keep Don in his delusional world that there was still a chance of meeting again. I pause as I hit the bottom of the drawer of the desk to find a shuriken...while not unusual since I was once a ninja, but this one made my knees quake and my head fall with shame as I hit the floor grasping it tightly in my hands...it was a foot shuriken. Looking to the floor, I realized what a mess I had just made. Everything that had been neatly tucked away was now scattered across the floor. An ink bottle must have missed the toss into the suit case and now lay broken staining my sensei's floor. I felt horrible. I couldn't leave till this was cleaned. I blinked. Somewhere inside of me anger rose...why? Why did I need to clean it all up? I wasn't their servant, why had I slowly become it? The only one who nearly died from my betrayal was me, so why were they treating me so harshly? How had I gone from their leader to their house maid? Master Saki...I stopped before I could finish. Had I forgotten? Slowly I looked at the shuriken in my hand and before I fully knew what I was doing, I was reminding myself what I was.

**T **

The letter was carved perfectly in place on my left fore arm blood already streaming out, slowly with a feeling of perfection that I had not felt in a long while I made the letter deeper ingoring the twinging of pain.

**R **

How dare I forget! How dare I try to pretend it never happened! The feeling of joy I had when he told me things I should not know still burned bright in the back of my mind. Letting him steal my secrets...

**A **

At this point I was already feeling dizzy but I needed to finish it.

**I **

Blood oozed from me staining the floor, I would clean it up when I finished...

**T **

Blotches formed around my eyes but I needed to finish. I felt adrenaline pump through me causing the wound to bleed faster and my fingers trembled even faster but I needed to keep it deep so if I survived everyone would know I can't be trusted.

**O **

I felt slightly angery that the letters were starting to conect thanks to my quaking right hand but they were deep still and that's all that mattered.

**R **

I watched the blood ooze and felt so satisified...was it the pain or the fact I was finally saying what I was aloud in a way? I heard someone pound at the door and Raph's muffled words but I was too gone to care. It felt good. I shifted the bloody shuriken to my numb quaking left hand and held out my right fore arm. I hadn't only betrayed them after all, I failed my sensei. My arm quaked as I forced it to move but I needed to remind myself why I was no longer a part of this family.

"Open this damn door Leo! I want ta talk to ya!" Raph bellowed but I paid him no mind. He would understand why I couldn't reply after all. I was too weak to deepen the word into the other arm and was beyond angery to realize I could barely make out the letters but it could have been the fact that I felt I was about to pass out...they were deep enough to scar though. I was about to deepen the thin last letter when the door bust open.

"Leo!" he snapped angery that he had to resort to breaking the door down when I was obviously in the room. I wondered what he must be thinking as he steps in to see me with my shell to him, my head tilted and those annoying whimpers coming from my mouth every now and then while I still continue to ingnor him sitting in the middle of my destoyed room. I feel bad as I feel his panic, I really should have cleaned up...

He bends next to me and even though I keep my head bowed to the floor feeling very light headed I know he has a look torn between anger and panic as he grabs my bleeding right arm.

"Why...how..." he fumbles trying to get the right word,"What...did you do?"

"I'll clean it up in a moment..." I mumbled not sure how long I have before I pass out.

"No! Stupid!" he scolds making me tense as he pulls me close,"Your arms..."

"I forgot..." I mumble finally giving into to blood loss,"So I reminded myself."

...

I love the taste of angst in the morning! Don't you? But could you serisously tell me if its good or not or if you really think its worth continuing?


	2. Why?

_**TRAITOR **_

Plot: After your brother betrays you do you love him or hate him? Forgive him or leave him to rott? Or do you meat the choices half way and do a mix of both?

Chapter two: Why?

Raph's POV

I walked into the lair; it was quiet. Dare I say it, too quiet (I could hit myself for even thinking that). Not that it wasn't expected, it was getting late and Splinter left a few days ago but I still expected Don to poke his head out of the lab to great me as I walked in. As I heard a snore drift from it I shook my head, why did I come to expect anything less? I notice the house isn't up to Splinter's usual standards and wonder if Leo is feeling alright. Ever since the incident, he hasn't done anything to put himself further on Splinter's bad side, not even insisting on continuing his training. When I first learned what Leo had done, I probably would have felt he was in his rightfull place now but after five months of watching him beat himself to the ground and only Don deffending him I only wanted my older brother back. How had it gotten to the point where he wouldn't even argue back with me when I insulted him? I'm not proud of it, but at first I did it to genuinely hurt him, now I did it to try to get some of his spunk back. Ya know, tough love. Besides, I try to be nice but it never turns out that good and I usually end up getting lectures from Don of all people about bringing up the foot clan in front of a tensing family.

On further inspection of how dirty the place actually was with dishes pilled over in the sink, kitchen floor sticky and dirt floating around I wondered if Leo finally had enough of us and left... not that I entirly blame him. I woulda left months ago after I realized sensei was never gonna forgive me and my youngest brother started hating me and I'm sure I fit into that equation somehow.

You can say whatcha want about Leo but just by how patiently he waits for everyone to forgive him and how he works round the clock to keep us in a clean home and barely bats an eye to our abuse, I still think he's pretty damn fearless. I woulda quit by now. I walk up the stairs, fully intent on talking to Leo tonight. I don't care what he says, we're going to talk about this all like brothers and finally put it behind us. I've been having allot of bad dreams lately of finding him on that roof top soaked in his own blood and I don't want it to happen again...I want to know why most of all. If he was working for Saki at the time and loyal ta him like he said, why was he near death when I found him after fighting my way out of my own home? I needed to know. I paused at his door something didn't feel right. I turned the door nob to find it wouldn't open. Why was his door locked? Taking a deep breath I knocked. Nothing.

"Leo?" Nothing still..."Open the door, we need to talk." Nothing. My patience was slipping fast. My fist pounded against the door a few times.

"Open this damn door Leo! I want ta talk to ya!" Nothing. I looked up from pounding on the door to find a sleepy Mikey looking at me questioning from his door way. I said nothing just rattled the locked knob to indicate my distress. He didn't say anything but I could tell he was confussed and a tad bit scared as well...maybe he still cared after all.

"I'll go wake Don," he told me hurrying down the stairs. It hit me as I watched him disappear down the stairs, he thought Leo was contriving against us or somethin, that was the last thing I was thinkin. As I busted the door down I felt a chill go down my spine at the disaster area that was once Leo's room. By the looks a things, he was planning on going somewhere, maybe Mikey was right thinkin... I shook my head.

"Leo?" I said sternly taking him in he was too pail...my stomach dropped as I smelled blood and realized he wasn't snapping around to look at me. I immediatly shot into action as I heard him whimper and notice he's shaking badly. I bent over next to him to see what was wrong and what I could do to help when my blood boils slightly seeing the blood gushing from his arms. Keeping my anger in check I gently grab his right arm at his lack of reaction and eyes widen as I realize this wasn't normal cutting a teenage girl would do after being rejected or even a suicide attempt...it was a message. The letters were shaky and smeared with his own blood that contiued to gush out but the message was clear enough. **FAILUR**E. The E was the only letter that I was certain would disappear and not forever shine on his arm. I almost vomited looking to the left arm which was much deeper and allot easier to read even with the smeared blood and a letter or two alittle too close togetha. **TRAITOR. **

"Why...how..." I fumble for the words,"What...did you do?"

"I'll clean it up in a moment..." he finally mumbles making me beyond furriose that was the only thing he was thinking about.

"No! Stupid!" I scold feeling him tense as I pull him into an embrace taking in the blood splashed across the floor and watched a drop drip evenly onto his thighs, where his arms were now rested, every few seconds but somehow he still managed to sit still with his eyes down cast,"Your arms..."

"I forgot..." he finally mumbles his head falling onto my shoulder as I pull him closer and he begins to black out,"So I reminded myself."

At this point I was offically freaking out. I screamed as many names as I could, later on Mikey would tell with that smirk on his face that in my state of panic I had actually called on Super man and Doctor House. I don't know if I can believe 'im or not, it is possible. I was sitting in a disaster area clinging to my brother who had moments before hand mulilated the shit out of his arms for some reason and was going into shock. So sue me for thinking I knew them at the time...all I knew was I was begining to feel like I was going to pass out from blood loss just by the sheer amount of it filling up my line of sight.

DON'S POV

I groaned as I began to wake up feeling as if I had been asleep for years yet feeling like I could go for another batch of sleep. I yawned streching wondering if I should go force some food onto Leo, I swear he has-LEO! My eyes shift towards the empty tea cup now knocked over where my head was moments ago. It felt ironic after all the times I drugged his tea so he would go to bed and not overwork himself, he would drug me...but why? What was his reason? I felt slightly betrayed but I didn't want to dwell on it every bone in my body was telling me he was up to something.

"Donny!" Mikey called dragging me from my line of thought and turning my head towards the door. I turned my head towards him asking him what was up when I heard something collapse upstairs I instantly got up.

"Never mind," he said looking up as well,"Looks like Raph knocked it down..."

"What down?" I asked looking back to him more confused then ever.

"Leo's door," I tilted my head and he shrugged,"I woke up to Raph freaking out about it being locked. Do you think Raph suspects he's been in contact with _him_ again?"

I hoped not but I didn't voice it wanting to give Leo the benefit of the doudt. Drugging me and Raph busting his door down sounded suspiciose though. But I out of any one would know if he was so I shook my head. I tried not to smother him but I was always close by if he needed some one to listen to him for a change. I was the only one who was probably more concerned about Leo himself near the shredder again then him ratting us out or anything...I silently studder at the thought of him covered in blood and barely breathing.

I share the silence with Mikey for a few moments before Raph's screams break us into action. I'm out the door as my name's screamed followed by Mikey's then Sensei's ...I pause alongside Mikey as he yells for April then Casey then...Superman? I would have gone back to bed at that moment if it wasn't for the desperation in his voice.

"Doctor House?" Mikey mummbles chuckling to himself as we hurry up the stairs but it seemed like all laughter disappeared as we reached the top step and pause staring at Leo's broken down door. I step in without Mikey understanding...somewhat...the anger he still has for our older brother.

"Raph..." I say gently and watch his head snap back a look of panic across his face that I soon matched as he rose to greet me laying a pail Leo covered in blood gently on the floor.

I tense almost praying our brother had a mental break down and I don't know... killed a chicken. I couldn't stand the thought of waiting days on end once more for him to wake up and not know if he was going to live or not. My hand covers my mouth as Raph urges me forward with his panicked yet stern glare and I see the disguarded bloody shuriken on the floor and clamp my eyes shut as I realize he had carved something into his arm...shaking my stupidity aside I find the answer to why he drugged me as I look at the destroyed room realizing he was going somewhere before he descided he instead wanted to see how far he could go till he bled to death.

"Why?" I whisper walking forward more and kneeling beside Leo checking for a pulse. It was there but it was weaker then I would like it to be.

"He wanted to remind himself..." Raph snarls his anger rising once more. I couldn't help the tears as I read the deep gashes. **TRAITOR. FAILUR**E.

...

Angst. Angst. Angst. -*hits head on wall in angsty fashion*- ANGST! -Harry Potter Puppet Pals- Wizard Angst. Yeah, I'm weird but I can't even think of angst without thinking of wizard angst...


	3. Waking

_**TRAITOR **_

Plot: After your brother betrays you do you love him or hate him? Forgive him or leave him to rott? Or do you meat the choices half way and do a mix of both?

Chapter three: Waking

Raph's POV

I tried to stay and help Donny clean him up but I couldn't take the sight anymore. And I've seen worse. A whole in the side? Fine, I'll stay around to keep ya calm and help da best I can. A headless corpse? I won't bat an eye to, just keep going on my marry way. A message my brother dug into his own arm because he felt like it? It makes me wanna go take another shower...

I paused as once more I tried to leave Don to his work but something caught my eye that I didn't like at all.

"What are ya doing?" I spat grabbing my younger brother's arm as I saw him actually trying to _restrain _our brother to the extra bed that he kept in his lab.

"I don't know what to expect when he comes to!" he said back in a rashinal way.. it made me wanna hit him all the more,"What if he wants to harm himself further? I'm not going to allow that, am I willing to believe you want to chance it?"

It caught me by surprise but I still firmly held his arm hindering him from binding my injured brother. We both stood our ground for the longest time, neither of us wanting to drop it. He might have...I couldn't think of it, thinking the words would mean remembering what it looked like under the splotchy white bandages...but he wasn't suicidal! I hoped at least. It was bad enough that he never fought for himself anymore, I didn't want to think of him trying to kill himself with anything he could get his hands on everytime I turned my back to him.

"I'll be here to make certain it doesn't come to that," I replied casually dropping his arm and walking over to the bed sitting on the edge instantly throwing the binding away from him. He glared at me but said nothing further knowing there was no point in arguing. The clock ticked slowly and a few minutes passed with him still in the same spot watching me as if I was going to do something stupid the instant he turned away.

"Listen," I started waiting for him to acknowledge I was talking before I continued. After awhile he sighed in defeat nodding towards me sitting at his desk waiting for me to finish.

"We're in this mess right now cause no one wanted to talk about anythin dat happened. Leo drove himself insane to the point where he felt he needed to remind himself! If we just dope him up on medicine and then go back to pretend world nothin's gonna get betta...I promised to talk to him and put this behind us and that's what I intend ta do. I swear I won't let him hurt himself but also don't wanna make him feel like hes trapped or somethin."

I expected him to smile for me being so damn mature about the matter but that glare was back.

"Its not that simple," he finally spat out,"I've tried to talk to him many times to restore some piece of mind but until everyone including you." I cringed at that but he didn't seem to care."stop blaming him, he won't stop blaming himself. It will be...difficult...but maybe you can get sensei and him to talk about it without sensei's blood pressure shooting through the roof, maybe..."

I stopped him at that, shaking my head. Leo spent who knows how long playing around with the man who killed sensei's master, there was no way he would ever forgive him. It had been five months and he barely looked at Leo, I doudt he was going to agree to help talk him through his head problems.

We shared the silence acting more like strangers who hailed the same cab then brothers. I opened my mouth to speak a few times but found no words. I coulda asked him how to fix this another way but he wasn't a psychiatrist and just because he read things online didn't make him completly capable of helping someone with issues that needed to be sorted out. I coulda asked what I could do to make sensei talk to him but all I really wanted to ask is if he was able to make a time machine to go back far enough to make certain this never happened and would never happen and be left as nothing but a bad dream. Looking at him now with his face contorted in worry and eyes never waivering from our big brother I could tell he wanted that to be true too. As the silence strenched on for what felt like an eternity but only turned out to be an hour or so, I began to feel fidgety. My thoughts began bouncing around my head like a pin ball. How had it gone this far? Why me? Why does he have to be so damn macho and carry everything by 'imself? Why did this have to be my brother? Why me? Why didn't Leo just say when things got to the point he wanted to die or bleed or leave or whatever the incident in the bedroom was...?

My thoughts haulted in there spot as mine and Donny's head instantly shot up to a soft groan. Our eyes went to our elder brother who couldn't seem to descide if he wanted to wake up or not. His eyes came open and I scooted alittle closer towards him only to have his eyes droop once more then he scrunched them letting out a breath finally opening them all the way.

"This isn't my room," he grumbles eyes on the wall then his eyes snap open in surprise as he turns his head realizing he wasn't alone. His eyes drift towards the blood stained bandages and everything seemed to snap into place in his head but he didn't seem to regret his choices.

Once more I felt like I was in a cab with someone I had just met but a third person descided to join us on the ride, but also didn't feel comfortable enough to talk so simply joined in our silence.

Don descided to break the silence instantly going into doctor mode,"Are you in any pain? I can give you something for it."

Leo looked at him like he was crazy but none the less smiled kindly and responed with an even tone,"No, I'm fine."

I bit my tounge to keep back the snide 'Who are you kidding?' that wanted to leep out and just kept my eyes away from everything around me. Locking them intently on the door.

"Maybe you should take some just in case. They are quite nasty gashes." Now I was looking at him like he was insane. Did he forget Leo did that to himself? Of course he of all people knew they were nasty, _**he wanted them like that.**_I couldn't help the anger that slowly rose inside me, but I didn't know who it was for. Was it for Leo or myself? I remained still and montionless not taking my eyes off the door in front of me.

"No, its fine," I nearly bit my tongue off to keep down the smart ass remark,"but thanks anyway."

"If your sure," Don finally said dropping the subject,"I should change the bandages then at the least."

"Sure," he whispered eyes now fully entralled by the white bandages. Don began his work with the right arm unrolling the message of FAILURE slowly Leo's eyes never leaving his arm as the nasty puffy red letters slowly began to show themselves. They had stopped bleeding awhile ago, but neither of us wanted him to lose the bandages...so as soon as the damaged ones were discarded and disinfectant spray was applied (which Leo remained monionless to) another roll was wrapped around.

The left arm being much deeper was still drizzling out blood but at a slower pace now. I noticed Don's eyes shifting as he cleaned the wound like he had done the other arm and only now did Leo look dissappointed for what he had done to his own arms. As those bandages were tightened as well, silence snuck in once more. After so much silence, Don was again the one to break it.

"Why Leo?" his voice was faint but the words seemed to echo across the walls. My eyes were on Leo as well now silently urging him to speak. Leo didn't answer but his words rang in my head as I looked him straight in the eyes _I forgot...so I reminded myself. _

"Because..." I watched him absentmindedly pick at the bandages as he fumbled for the right words,"That's what I am. Isn't it?" My blood boils to the words and my teeth threatened to break as they began to grind.

MIKEY'S POV

I don't know how long I've been sitting here but I know its not a very good idea. My eyes are fixed on the bloody shuriken, I don't know whether to be pissed that its a foot shuriken or horrified that its covered in Leo's blood. A few months ago I would have laughed at the idea of being mad at my big brother and even going so far as to hold a grudge but now it feels like something normal. Like something I have to do, ya can't trust someone once they sell you out to the foot clan... can you?

I lean back into the bed realizing I haven't been here in awhile and just stare at the roof. I do care that he is dying (or at least I think he is with all the blood on the floor, I didn't get a peak at the damage) but I feel like he derserves the pain if that makes sense. I don't understand how I got so bitter either, I want to forgive him but at the same time don't know if I can and feel I have great reason not to remembering what he did last time I put my trust completly in him...

I stop my train of thought hearing movement for the first time in awhile from down stairs. Something slams to the ground and glass shatters.

"GET OUT!" it was Don's voice, I slowly sit up.

"I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE!" I hear rustling coming from down stairs and the sound of a door slamming shut.

"OPEN THIS DOOR DONATELLO!''

"GO AWAY RAPHAEL! YOUR MAKING THINGS WORSE!" I sit still as I can as I hear Raph stomp up stairs. I let out a held breath and lay back down on my brother's bed as I hear Raph's door slam shut. Life just keeps getting better and better. Ha. Now that's funny. I almost want to say it can't get any worse but even an idiot like me knows that will only curse yourself.

...

I know Mikey's probably out of character, but its for the sake of angst? Don't hurt me...


	4. Failure

_**TRAITOR **_

Plot: After your brother betrays you do you love him or hate him? Forgive him or leave him to rott? Or do you meat the choices half way and do a mix of both?

Chapter four: Failure.

Leo's POV

"Why Leo?" they were simple words words that even a third grader would comprehend but to me they were a complex equation that would somehow show the true meaning of life. I could say anything I was feeling right now about the new tattoos on my forearms but I didn't want to share the pain with one of the few people who genually cared for me all the time now. Raph was looking me intently in the eyes silently asking the words over and over but I couldn't break the contact. After a few moments I admitted one of the reasons I could think of for doing it...

"Because..." I finally said eyes down cast not daring to look either brother in the eye,"That's what I am. Isn't it?" I didn't need to look up to know Raph was grinding his teeth and finally letting his anger break free.

"What is that s'posed to mean?" he snaps making both me and Don jump slightly to the bluntness of the question. I stayed still looking at the wall before me fingers pinching against the thick bandages.

"I betrayed you," I went on feeling Don shake his head from his spot telling me not to go on but I had to they didn't understand,"Master Saki," my fingers managed to snap open the bandages open at that, why did I keep referring to him like that? I didn't go on for a few seconds or maybe minutes, fingers tracing against the letters on my right arm. I only stopped when I left Raph's firm grip held my right arm away from my left but I kept my head down wanting to go on.

"Told me to steal for him and I did. He told me to kill and I did. He asked me to tell him my secrets and I told him. He wanted me to die that night and I was willing to do so...I am a failure to my father."

I seemed to have hit a nerve, I didn't even voice to him that he was absentmindedly applying too much pressure to my wrist as my words sunk in. I only slightly winced as I felt the bone snap which made Don begin to panic as he began snapping Raph's name and yanking at the tightly wound fingers.

"Raphael!" he bellowed finally managing to throw my brothers arm away from mine,"What is wrong with you?"

"You did what for him?" he snared ingnoring Don who had somehow managed to squeeze between us blocking me from him. I didn't need to ask for clarification, I knew he meant 'kill'. I remained silenet picking at my wound once more making the F on failure begin to bleed again. Don instantly grabbed my left hand holding it away from my right arm gently eyes fully on Raph now daring him to do anything. I could laugh, Don was protecting me from Raph. But I sided with Raph, whatever he did I derserved, so I casually added to the already lit fuse.

"Six times," I said plainly watching his face contort with anger once more,"And each time I believed him when he told me the death would be for the greater good."

"Six?" he snapped standing now making Don lean closer to me completly blocking him from my line of sight,"You counted? What is wrong with you?"

Don shot me a look daring me to say anything, I didn't say another word just focused on my sight on my limp right wrist feeling a deep satisfaction to the pain twinging from it...it hurt badly and made me shake and those annoying black blotches formed slightly around my vision but I just didn't care. I could relish in it forever.

"So what if he did that," Don barked at him rising as well standing directly in front of him now with his finger in his chest frankly scaring me now at how protective he was acting,"So have you and it wasn't his fault, you know as well as I do Saki was using him. So don't you dare sit here and put every single amount of blame of him...if you want to do that, go do it somewhere else. I won't sit here and allow you to do it here."

Raph didn't seem calm but he didn't seem to want to leave either so he took a seat at the desk Don had previosly been in, while Don remained where he was standing between me and him before he finally took a seat on the bed looking my right arm over. I cringed as he grabbed the broken wrist giving it a tender squeeze and looking it over thoroughly now. We sat in silence once more but being the wonderfull turtle Don was he broke it after a few more moments.

"Its just a simple fracture," he said smiling to me still holding the broken wrist gently,"Nothing too horrible that I can't fix."

I watched him work in silence my eyes more focused on Raph who looked like he could kill an innocent puppy at the moment. No words were spoken as Don tightened bandages around my wrist making me wince but still nothing was said. After it was finished Don rose going through one of the cabinets hanging above his desk before digging out pain medication, Raph watching him halfheartedly still trying to keep control of his temper and the urge to shake me until he got every answer he needed to get.

"How badly is the pain?" I snapped from my thought of being shook around by Raph like a rag doll and brought my attention back to Don.

"Not bad," I answered but even I didn't believe myself so it was no surprise that he gave me a critical look and dug out the strongest pain pills he had on hand.

"No," both of us paused looking back to Raph who rose from the chair for the first time in awhile,"I'm not sayin ya can't give him them, he probably needs em but we're going to clear some matters before he has a chance to pass out and not want to speak another word about it."

"Raph," Don growled setting the medication on the desk and once more stepping between us. He said nothing further but just by how tense he was and how his eyes slit I knew he was telling Raph not to start anything.

Raph chose to ingnore him looking straight to me and I gave him my full attention ignoring the pain hoping it wouldn't make me pass out again.

"How long were you with him?" he asked casually as if asking when I left for the store, I looked away not wanting to say but maybe something deep in me wanted to feel his wrath.

"Two months," I answered picking at the bandages again but Don was there to hold my left hand comfortingly as he sat on the edge of the bed next to me once more.

He clunted his fists and I knew he must be wondering how I could be with someone so long and not realize they weren't any good but in all truth I did trust him. I did think he was good...I was...I didn't want to admit even to myself that I was wrong and stupid, even now that I knew I was. Maybe it was the perfectionist in me.

"I did genuinely trust him," I said looking off,"He had a way with words...I can't describe it..." as soon as I started I wanted to stop thinking of all my stupid mistakes and how stupid I was...how I had done things for him without question betraying my sensei. I didn't even realize I started crying as I realized somewhere deep down in me I still slightly trusted him. What I would give for a time machine to go back in time to make certain I never met him...

Don pulled me into an embrace wiping my tears away and glaring to Raph,"We can interrogate him later can't we?"

Raph glared back but didn't say more I put my eyes down as he turned his attention back to me,"What did he say?" I wanted to answer him but I was too busy shaking my head trying to figure out how to forget what he had told me to.

"Leo," he went on but Don was already pulling me close to him telling me I didn't need to say anything. Soon their words were blending together in my head making me dizzy.

"Answer-don't listen to him-why?-he needs rest-fine-leave-no." I could go for some pain pills now, even if I didn't deserve them.

My eyes snapped open as the lamp next to the bed crashed to the floor, Don atop an even more angered looking Raph. I opened my mouth to tell them to stop before one of them killed the other but their screaming interupted me.

"GET OUT!" Don screams shoving him towards the door after both of them jumped from the floor.

"I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE!" Raph screams back shoving Don back who quickly regained his balance. I would have smiled if I wasn't so shocked, Don didn't break his promise to keep up his training...I've never seen him take on Raph this well before.

I blanked out for maybe a moment but that moment was good enough for it was already over with Don shoving Raph out the door. I watched him slightly stumble over the threshold and then with a flash the door slamed shut on him.

"OPEN THIS DOOR DONATELLO!'' Raph shouted from the other side of the door but Don didn't budge from his spot as he pushed harder on his side of the door. I felt strange watching Don hold Raph off, Don was strong don't get me wrong... but in terms of musle and strength Raph had always been the strongest so I don't know where he got the strength to hold him back and keep him out after he slid the lock in place. But maybe Don's next argument made him give up.

"GO AWAY RAPHAEL! YOUR MAKING THINGS WORSE!" And that was it, maybe Raph didn't care enough anymore. The roof shook slightly as his feet pounded up the stairs and upstairs and finally all went quiet once more as his door slammed shut. I knew at that momet the interrogation wasn't over, it was just done for the moment. Don glared at the ceiling for the longest time before taking a deep breath regaining his composure picking the pain killers off the ground where they must have ended up after the shoving fight. Silently he scooped them back into the bottle just leaving two on the desk and proceeded to walk towards the fridge he kept in here (for reasons that I didn't want to question fearing it would have something to do with stolen medical supplies he got from poor unsuspecting ambulances that might have lost a patient or two after losing them) and took out a water bottle. Even I didn't know how he managed to keep a soft smile on after all that, even I had to admit after my big fights with Raph I tended to have a twitching eye alongside my forced smile.

"Here," he said gently handing the pills and water to me,"It should help you sleep."

I just stared at them after taking them from him and asked him something that had been in the back of my mind,"Why do you still care for me after all I did?"

His smile dropped but his face didn't harden much. He sat on the bed next to me and urged me to take the mediaction and I did so without complaint then swigging down half the bottle of water not realizing how thirsty I had been. He took it from me as I began to feel very tired and made me lie down on the bed then slid in the bed next to me pulling the blanket tightly over both of us then snuggled beside me. It was ironic, I used to do the same thing on nights when one of my younger brothers had a particularly bad dream when we were young and had continued to do so with Mikey until about five months ago.

"Because you're my brother," he said pulling me closer as I began to sink into slumber,"And you would act the same no matter what heinous act I did."

...

Au: Thanks to all those who have reviewed so far! ^^ You guys make me not want to give up on this. And sorry for not updating earlier but I've been doing allot of last minute christmas shopping lately...and it sucked! Do your shopping early people! People will knock you down for useless items!So if this chapter sucks, blame shopping! I was kinda tired writing and editing this chapter...

Oh and before I forget...Happy Holidays and hope you have a sweet new year!


	5. Nightmare

_**TRAITOR **_

Plot: After your brother betrays you do you love him or hate him? Forgive him or leave him to rott? Or do you meat the choices half way and do a mix of both?

Chapter five: Nightmare.

Leo's POV.

I felt the crisp wind flicker past my face forcing my blue bandana tails to dance past my eyes as I sat in a lotus postion on an old building in a near deserted part of the city waiting for him to show up. It felt so relaxing sitting beneath the clear blanket of stars with the full moon shining out over a layer of clouds slowly consuming its face. Even the city lights seemed dimmer then usual and the noise seemed to be nearly on mute...I could bask in the serenety forever. An hour had past since he called me to meet him but I hadn't seen any sighn of him, not even the shadows of the night seemed to creep next to me...I wonder what could be keeping Master Saki.

I allowed my eyes to sink shut and took a few even breaths allowing myself to slip into the peacefullness of the night. Just as suddenly as I found the peace within myself, I was snapped out of it and knew I wouldn't be going back anytime soon as I felt something heavy like lead pushing me down. Slowly I opened my eyes to find myself surrounded by his soldiers and found large hands forcing me to stay in place firmly set upon my shoulders.

"Good evening freak," a thick voice snared into my ear warm spit splashing against the side of my face.

"What is the meaning of this?" I hissed.

"Your use has run dry." My blood ran cold at the plain statement...use?

"What are you talking about?" I asked somehow maintaining my cool when inside my mind was doing flips. Raph always used to tell me that I worried too much but I never believed him more then I did now as my mind snapped to every possible meaning of the words... my eyes widened but I forced the tremors to stay down. I had been had. A few well set words was all it took and now I had brought the end not only to myself but my family. Sensei please forgive me...forgive me...I thought he was good but now I can finally admit to myself my suspicions of his activities were correct. They weren't well orchestrated moves moving him forward to the end of the war for the greater good but it was the over way around. I was an idiot, I could face palm myself but the problem was I was having problems moving. I didn't know whether it was shock or the fact Hun was still forcing me down.

"As we speak the master is disposing of the rest of the freaks," Hun continued to gloat and I finally allowd my tremors forth to show my fear,"And its all thanks to you that we're finally able to rid ourselves of that obstacle but I suppose I should also give thanks to all the handy side work you did for us getting rid of quite a few other problems."

"H-he promised..." Why was I bothering to say that? Everything was shining in a new light now as I sat feeling the sting of the wind dried my eyes but I was unable to shut them...I felt so betrayed. I couldn't imagine what my family was feeling now as...No. No. No. This wasn't real. This wasn't real. I finally blinked, a scowl crossing my face. Who was I kidding?

"So sorry," he sneered in false sympathy fingers tightening around my shoulders,"Did the master break your heart? Destroy your dreams? Huh. I thought you were stronger then that or at the least smart enough not to listen to someone who would never think of a freak like you as his equal."

Like a dam something broke in me flooding me with a new emotion...an emotion I always forced down knowing it would not do any good but at this moment anger just felt like heaven. If there was anything that pissed me off more then anything it was someone with that much damn pride who felt like they just knew every fucking thing. Usually I would have reprimanded myself for going so low as cussing (even if I only thought it) it was the most immature thing to do making you seem more like a small child trying to seem cool but at the moment it was my favorite word in the world.

"Shut the fuck up," I spat lowly somehow finding the strength to push away from him. I stood my ground glaring at the giant before me and every second or so my eyes would move around to the foot soldiers still surrounding me.

He grinned at me in a mocking fashion,"I didn't think a good little boy like you was capable of such language."

"I'm capable of much more then you give me credit for," I sneered unsheaving the blade he had given me, the one I used when I worked for him to symbolize the trust I held for him. His fist launched towards me instantly forcing me to slide to the right, feiging a blow from a sword that would have taken my head. I felt a strange sense of deja vu as my elbow slammed into another foot soldier and quickly flung my body to the side as Hun nearly ramed into me. I took a vial from my belt and slammed it into the ground feeling a familiar sense that I needed to get home right away.

I held my breath as the smoke filled the air. I shut my eyes for only half a second as I began to run to the side of the building where the fire escape was. My foot hit the shaky stair case but as I opened my eyes I realized I was standing in front of the entrance of my home. My blood ran cold as I blood creeping out from the bottom of the door. My breathing quickened as slowly the door creaked open welcoming me inside.

I couldn't breath as the strong metalic smell of blood caught in my nostrils, I gaged on my own vomit shutting my eyes tightly not wanting to see it. This couldn't be real.

"Now, Now Leonardo," a voice sneered into my ear using his gloved fingers to force my eyes open to the destroyed room that was once referred to as living,"Don't you want to see what you helped bring around?"

"No, its not real," I whispered shaking my head as I faced the carnage. The couch was flipped over kunai and shuriken sticking out from the end of it blood staining the once green couch a disguarded tainted kunai lying solely on its back. Dead and unconsciose foot soldiers littered the ground along side my newly dead brothers and severed pieces of my sensei. Looking to the blades inches from my face I noticed a crimson substance dripping carelessly from the tips. Raph had a dart that I assumed was poisoned sticking from his neck and a pool of blood next to him with a small stream of it still running down his opened agonized mouth, his dead eyes staring off into the abyss forcing my head to shake. Don's head was missing but the trail of blood from his headless corpse must be leading to it, I tried to close my eyes once more but Saki's fingers wouldn't allow it. Mikey was stuck to the wall by a katana that was drove through his throat I began gaging on choked sobs as I realized it was my katana...it's blue fabric had red drops sprinkled across it. I began trembling violently as I watched his dead eyes travel to me accusingly.

"Stop listening to him!" both mine and Saki's eyes travelled to the door way to where a turtle who resemblance was stricking to my own and his voice... I was loosing my mind. I concluded that as I shook my head over and over maybe convincing someone that this wasn't real but just by the smell and how easily I could feel Saki's chilled fingers pressed against my face I knew this was _real. _If it was a dream, it was a prediction of what was to come.

"All he does is lie!" my twin snapped standing in front of me now pulling me away from Saki forcing me to look in his...errr my eyes,"None of this is real!"

Saki laughed to that grabbing me by the cheek and forcing me to look in his hardened eyes,"If it is fake why does it feel so real?"

My other self pulled my face towards him,"Don't listen. He lies. Use your own judgement."

I began to quake as I watched him pulling my blade from my youngest brother's throat forcing the limp body to collapse to the floor and slump to the side like a doll that had been tossed into a corner after a child had grown bored of it. He handed it to me and I instantly began smearing the blood off hoping that if it was gone all this would go with it but all it did was ironically make me red handed. My other self glared at him supiciosly then looked to me and shaking his head failing to convince me this wasn't real. Maybe he wasn't real, maybe Saki wasn't real but everything else _was_.

"If nothing is real why are you in so much pain then?"

"This isn't real!"

"The only way to cease your pain is to die an honorable death."

"There is no honor in dying for this man, Leonardo."

As I sat in the midst of my broken home with a coating of blood covering the walls and my sword in my hand with his gleaming smile urging me to go on and my own eyes reflecting disbelief in the center of the blade I realized all at once this wasn't real. It was a dream, maybe a hallucination...even if it held some actual memory of the night my life officially fell apart. I knew nothing was real and knew nothing would become of any of this but you know what the sad part was? I was still listening to him. My blade hit my side deep enough to draw blood. He smiled to me while my twin turned away in disappointment. Only then did I begin to feal tears stream down my face. I wanted to wake up now. He put his hands upon my shoulders making me quake.

"Such a good pet," he whispered in my ear making me tremble,"Doing whatever you master tells you." I want to wake up now.

I stare down to my arms shaking my head as the bloody words were now written clearly on my forearm, my eyes slowly moved over to the shuriken in my right hand and I saw Saki's hand holding it there between my sweaty clamped fingers. I want to wake up now. His hand took the bloody weapon from my hand and gently placed it in my other one. I want to wake up now!

"I must say," he said to me now holding my arms admiring my new tattoos,"It is quite fitting...you didn't only fail the rat after all. You became quite the failure to me as well...you couldn't even finish the last murder or was it a suicide?... I had for you."

I want to wake up to my sensei scolding me for sleeping in late and missing practice...Raph laughing at me for having a nightmare this stupid, thinking I would listen to my father's sworn enemy...Mikey sympathetically saying at least my nightmares are creative...Don babbling the psychological meanings of nightmares...I want to wake up now!

Tears steam down my face faster as I find the shredder's gauntlet on my own left hand I shake my head as I find that same gauntlet through my sensei's heart. I am a traitor. I was only steps away from becoming him...or did I when I failed my sensei and broke his heart? I realize now that I don't want to wake up but I can't stop myself from doing so feeling someone shaking me roughly and calling my name.

Raph's POV

I stared at the roof for the longest time angry but what was new? I never stared holes into the ceiling unless I was pissed at someone and it should make me happy that Leo got these emotions out of me again...no, it wasn't the same as him nagging me. This was a strange new anger, I didn't hate him but a part of me slightly wanted to. Six. Who were they? Did he feel nothing for them to just admit it so calmly? It may have been the fact that he isn't quite there in the head at the momet that he did admit it, it may not be as bad as I think it is. Che. Just like 'im, he always knew the right button to hit to get me pissed but he didn't usually do it to get me to hurt him, he usually used it to his advantage in a spar...I hated what he had become.

I stared at the ceiling alittle longer before an idea came to me. I swung my legs over the side of the hamock making it swish back and forth wildly as I rushed to the door which swung open and more than likely alerted half the house hold as it hit the wall and then creaked forward. I walked the short distance down the hall past Don's room (presumably filled with spider weds due to its lack of use) and Mikey's door which I was surprised was open a crack but he might be in the bathroom or the kitchen, I didn't really care at the time. Finally I paused at Leo's room silent as ever but yet it seemed as if a battle had taken place there not long ago. The door hung loosly on creaking hinges with splintered wood splashed across the floor leading a path into the dark destoyed room. I didn't know why but I stood there taking in panic still flaring somewhere deep inside me still feeling the dread that I was going to lose my big brother. I looked to the floor trying to see through the layer of cement hoping Don was handling the situation well feeling my old friend guilt creep slowly inside me. I blinked as I felt a sting of pain and realized I was clunching my fists too tightly, growling I strenched my fingers out then soon found them in fists once more as I entered the room with silence as my only companion...or I so I thought.

My eyes slit as I saw a form lying soundly asleep ontop of the bed that was supposed to be empty. I was going to kill Donatello if he hurt himself.

"Leo," I hissed more to myself then anyone as I switched on the light switch next to me reaquainting myself to the disaster area once more. Call me cowardly all ya want but I looked away not wanting to remember what happened.

"Leonardo?" I called once more eyes scanning the papers scattered across the floor but finding nothing with thoughts written upon them, most were bleach white and only few got the honor of having rusty brown blotches smeared on them mocking me for driving my brother to this point. I felt near insane for feeling an urge to rip those pages to shreds.

"He's not here," my head snapped up to the voice my eyes becoming level with my youngest brother's unmasked blue eyes. I gave him a stern yet somehow dirty look demanding why he was in here but to my surprise he returned the gesture. I snarled and my eyes slit deeper, I wasn't that angery but I hated when my brothers thought they had the charm to pull off my attitude, I almost felt inclined to prove no one could pull it off better then _me. _

We glared at each other in what I'm sure he was thinking was like some kinda western show down...as soon as the thought entered my head I snorted and rolled my eyes breaking the glare, if that was the case I would have already won. His face lightened and he watched me curriosly as I began looking through the papers all over the floor.

"Take a picure it lasts longer," I snapped after a few more minutes of awkward silecence feeling his eyes never leaving my form now crouched on the ground next to the askew papers and pens. I was hoping he would get the hint that I wanted to be alone and leave, instead he continued to watch me as I eyed the broken ink bottle on the ground with a poudle of drying ink consuming it. I wondered if the shards would be in his arm now if I didn't come in when I did. I shuddered slightly to the image.

"Did you stop him from killing himself?" he asked in a tone that pissed me off. It was slightly concerned but it sounded like he felt his big brother should have died.

"Che, I wish," I grumbled eyes slitting as I found the stained shuriken almost hidden by the shadow coming from the desk. I picked it off the ground and tilted my head realizing for the first time that it had a foot insignia in the middle.

"What do you mean you wish?" Mikey snapped but I pretended I didn't hear him as I turned it over it my hand wondering why he would keep something like this. I sighed slipping it into my belt subconsciously noting to ask him about it later.

"Did you stop him from joining him again?" I wanted to hit him for asking me that but at the same time I was slightly wondering the same too. I didn't want to but where else was there to go? Unless...I didn't want to consider the idea of him leaving to kill himself...I tucked the question away to ask him later when Don finally let me back in.

"Raph?" I again ignored him turning my attention to the battered suit case now at the end of the bed. I peered inside it and found a note book flung in. Picking it up I realized it was nothing to get excited about. It was empty besides a few doodles of ninja weapons here and there...I paused as I hit the last few pages. The words 'I'm sorry' were writted over and over again in the last five pages with scratchy brown marks drizzled all over the pages...I get the impression this wasn't his first break down. I didn't want to focus on that at the moment though, it was something I would ask him about later. I set it down realizing the other pieces of paper and note books were useless. Most were sketched out maps of the city and sewers, japanese kanji, and notes taken from variose books mainly the art of war. I did, however, find out that our brother had a weird obession with trashy romatic novels and Shakespear (two things I thought would never be in the same sentence let alone a suit case Leonardo had) though as I looked though the rest of the content in the suitcase.

"Raph? What happened?" I turned my attention to him as I tossed a book back into the suit case not caring what it was, it didn't say what I wanted to know.

"He reminded himself," I answered the same way Leo himself answered me then turning to his confussed face I added,"That he was a failure to his sensei on his right arm and he was a traitor on his left."

He was confused turning the words over in his head then his eyes turned down and he looked as sick as I felt when I first saw it before rushing out of the room. I sighed staying where I was as I heard the bathroom door slam shut but I remained where I was only hearing him gag once but nothing splashing in the toilet. Realizing there was nothing left for me here and that Leo was probably asleep, I descided the best thing to do was to go check on my youngest brother as I heard the bathroom door shut followed by hurried foot steps and his bedroom door slaming shut. I hated it that my life was slowly becoming a soap opera as all the drama added up, all that was needed now was the dramatic music at every turn.

...

Dun Nuh! We will return next week with a thrilling new instaulment of TRAITOR!

AU: Well that's the last chapter...-GASPS-...of 2011! See you guys next year with a new chapter! WOOO! Be the first to be the last to review this story for this year! ^^


	6. AN

Dear reader,

I no longer have any interest in this story. I'm sorry, I really really tried to care again but I don't think I care about ninja turtles in general right now. So I will not be updating this story. If you wish you may have this story and do with it as you wish but I will never update again or make another ninja turtle story since like stated I don't care much for the fandom at the moment. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. But maybe someone will pick it up for those of you who really wanted an update.

Till next story (which will be a Teen Titans story since I'm pretty obsessed right now),

Necro13

Ps: I'm sorry. -.-


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